Pie

Dearest

I have the urge to eat pie. Not just whelming, but overwhelming. Unluckily, I don't actually have any around, nor do i have enough fruit to make any. So I will just have to simmer down to being whelmed by my urge.

I also, bizarrly enough, have the urge to do work. Which, I'm sure, is exactly the reason I have taken the decision to go onto the internet and write about my desire for pie. I put it down to forward planning, work is all well and good, but I'm planning for my immediate future at the moment. When I go home, I will need some escape, since my own Escape will be in a different county (if it makes me sound a bit stalkerish and needy for you to be known as such I am dreadfully sorry deary, I don't mean it to sound like that, but I'm sure you knew that). So I have decided that the method of escape I have been developing while here, will be brough to full force back home. I will bake things. Bread, pizza, cakes, and pies. All will be attempted, and hopefully perfected, during the month of homeward bound. I'm sure mother won't mind, and dad will be more than happy to partake of the last 2, so long as no rhubarb is involved. I just need a pie tin and cakes tins, which surely aren't that hard to come by.

Anyway, enough about pies. What am I talking about? You can never have enough pie. I always enjoy making them, as you can probably tell. I'll be bouncing around at least 2 days after making them, I'll just be that proud of myself. I feel like a little kid who's just been given a gold star or something, its an achievement. For some reason I never feel that happy when I've done well in an assessment, it's almost as if I can hear, well it is the fact that I can hear, the voices in the back of my head going, *yeah very good, but you know everybody else can do and has done better than you* and I'm all too ready to agree with them. But with cooking its different, yes it may not always turn out like it was supposed to, but that doesn't matter, because it still tastes very good, to me at least. Also, when I do share it with people, its usually quite well received, the praise can shout down even my most boistrous inner voice. So pie is good, and if I could only perfect the pastry it would be even better still. If all else fails I could open a bakery. hmmmm.... It could always run alongside the other back up plan...

Pie and Prostitutes. What a good combination would that be? Please the customers in every way imaginable, by using 2 of the 3 ways to a man's heart (I don't think it would be too good for business if we went straight through the ribcage, the authorities tend to frown on that, although what they'd think of pie baking prostitutes is debatable). We could charge double. of course we could charge double, what was I thinking, it would just be bad business sense otherwise.

I wonder what mum would think if I said I was practicing baking pies for my future career as a brothel madame. Worth asking just to see the response don't you think? But I can tell you now, it'll be The Look, the look that says *Riiiiiiiiight, I think that's a very stupid and crazy idea*, as sort of disbelieving reproof. But who cares? As long as pies are made, and the pleasure is spread around the populace, The Look is nothing to worry about.

The only problem I can forsee is, how can funeral directing be worked into all of this? Buy the premium package, get a rosewood coffin, a horse and carriage, a burial in a prime spot, a blueberry pie and an companion for the widower. I will work on that I think.

All my love