Popping the blog cherry

Dearest

See, now i've actually managed to set this damn thing up, i can't actually think of a thing to write. So I'll do what I usually do I suppose, ramble until i get bored and start searching obscure TV shows in IMDb. Corner gas is the present TV show i'm stalking, in case you want to know.

Well, that's not really true, at the moment I'm flitting between writing this and sorting out my bebo account so that i have some way of contacting my little brother while he's in Bavaria for the next month. I'm not even sure he has internet, so how I'll get in touch is beyond me. I'm not even sure why I want to get in touch with him actually, he's a pain in the hide. Why is it that I never really care if I talk to him, unless I know I'm not able to? So strange, the typical want what you can't have syndrome, except in a non-incestuous way that mother likes to hint at. Yeah, my family is weird, but since we have only just met, I think I may wait a while to go into details.

Hmm, what to bore you with? Well, I could talk about Toadie some more, my brother not the guy off of Neighbours, he's not actually that interesting despite the strange obsession all university students are suppose to have with that incredible dull show. Wow, already lots of reference to TV and only on the 3rd paragraph. I'm not a telly adict honestly, I barley watch it, I prefer to read all about shows that I'll never actually be able to watch because they got cancelled long long ago, before I even heard about them. I spend way too much of my time on the internet. Which is possible why I decided to start this blog, I spend so much time on the internet looking at rubbish that I don't have time to do anything offline except work, I don't even remember to write a diary most of the time. So, I figured, since most of my mind is invested in cyberspace, I may as well project out into it myself, and make a contribution to the already staggering amounts of meaningless crap out there. So well done you, for finding this blog and, with it, another way of wasting time. I'm not condemning you at all, I almost feel proud of being a distraction, that is if anyone does actually stray onto this site and keeping reading it, instead of clicking off when they realise its not the Folk orientated site it sounds like, or a parenting manual actually.

Oh, by the way, I spell how i feel like, my punctuation sucks, I ramble longer than Charles Dickens, and my idea of paragraphing is as illogical as the rest of my mind.
And yes, I am one of those people who will constantly point out their own faults, even if they aren't real.

So...what next? I didn't actually get round to telling you more about my brother did I? I went off into a tangent. Ah well, he isn't that interesting anyway. I'm kidding. Contrary to the evidence, I do actually love him, a lot, and we can be nice to each other, just not when there are witnesses. He was, at one point, the bain of my life, then I actually got a life, and realised he was OK. That doesn't stop us from having screaming arguements and threating to beat the living daylights out of each other, it just means we don't hate each other, as much. The less we're around each other, the better our relationship, we have this incredible ability to just wind each other up the wrong way. We also have the incredible ability to sit and just hang out for hours without anybody's blood pressure going out of the window, and then one of us following it. We're alike in so many ways, sometimes too alike.
We're both fairly creative, and we both have grand ideas and sudden bursts of energy and productiveness, and then we both get bored and forget about the grand plan of building a boat and paddling around Canada and move onto the next new fad. And we're both stubborn, stupidly so, which is where the arguements get impressive. Normal arguements are, we've spent more than 4 hours together and need a break from each other, or at least my ears need a break since Toadie can talk for an hour solid about backpacks if he so choses, so we get irritated and snappy with each other. Impressive arguements involve, well, just neither of us want to give in on a simple point, it could be anything from soldiers have to face the fact that they have to kill people to you're not allowe to dribble a basketball in the kitchen, and we will end up screaming at each til our lungs are soar, or until somebody throws a puch...or a bottle.

But I really do love my brother, even if most of the time he's just in the background of my mind, rather than me thinking about him 24/7. I don't usually miss him, even when I haven't seen him for 2 months. Its only if its been way more than that I'll get the urge to talk to him for 5 minutes. But he's very much in my mind at the moment, since he's moving to another country for a while. It's only a month at the moment, but it might end up being longer, and just knowing he's going to be more than an hour's drive away just seems to make me miss him that little bit more than usual. That's why this entry seems to be about him alone, he went yesterday. And it just seems like another reminder of how fleeting time is. He's planning on joining the forces in August, and I may never see him again, so not having him in easy reach for the next month seems a bit like time I should be spending with him but can't. So little time left.

I don't suppose it helps that I'm nearly reaching the end of university and will soon actually have to face the real, because no matter what some pretentious students say to make themselves feel less like children, this is not the real world. I'm still in a cocoon of not having to take responsibility yet, and I'm soon to leave it. I'm not upset at the prospect of having to take responsibility for my own life, I'm very much looking forward to that. I think that may be where the problem lies. I want to do something with my life, not just plod along in any old job to pay the bills. I want to do something that will have an impact, I know most people do, but this is almost a physical need, I need to feel like I am doing something worthwhile, otherwise what is the point of doing anything at all, and I mean that in the literal sense. Why just survive for the sake of surviving? If you're going to force youself to continue forcing your way through existence, there's got to be some sort of point to it. But I don't think I'm in the right mood for explaining this further, not feeling deep enough right now. Or quite ready to delve into that area of my mind on a relatively public forum quite yet, maybe in the next entry.

Anyway, right now I'm thinking about my stomach, which is quite empty.

But I shall leave you with this last thougt, or leave myself with it. While my brother is away, I can nick his guitar.

All my love